So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
