No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
