You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Everything about him screamed your future.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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