brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
