hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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