You just made me feel so damn special
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
