Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
