How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
