So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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