headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
