If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
