Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
