You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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