mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
