All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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