Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
