So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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