my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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