I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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