do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
