We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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