I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
