I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
