I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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