I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fill condoms, not promises.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
