well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
