I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
