masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
