I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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