yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
