Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
