I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
