While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
