I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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