I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
