i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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