Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
