I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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