Who wears a wallet chain?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
