so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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