I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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