He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
