I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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