my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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