This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
