Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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