My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
