At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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