Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As shirtless as possible
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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