Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In other news, I just burned my penis
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
