trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
